I realized I might not want to get married.

Hon and I only have less than four months until we recite our vows.

We have been engaged for more than a year and it has been more than thirteen months of planning, searching, interviewing, meeting, bargaining, choosing, paying, and all other activities in preparation for the wedding.

When people ask me how I am, I always answer with these two adjectives: nervous and excited. I can't help but feel nervous, being the OC woman that I am. With everything that we have planned and the number of people that we are expecting to celebrate with us, I want everything to be perfect and enjoyable for everyone. And of course, I'm excited to start my life with Kelvin, be a wife, then a mother. We have been planning and preparing for the wedding for more than a year now, and I can't wait to see everything that Kelvin, both of our families, and I have planned for turn into a reality. I've had nothing on my mind but Kelvin and wedding colors, gowns, flowers, food, cake, programmes, decors, first dances, and other wedding stuff.

But today, on my way to work, the consequences of what I was about to do hit me. I've been focused on the wedding day and my upcoming life with Kelvin that I failed to realize what I will be leaving behind.

I realized that I will no longer go home to my family every weekend. I will no longer see my parents every week. I will no longer get to hug or kiss Mama, Daddy, and TengTeng as often as I want to. I then started asking myself these questions:

*Who gets to cook our Christmas and New Year dishes with Mama?

*Will I still get to take Mama to the salon so we can get our hairs and nails done together?

*Will I get to go shopping with Mama as often?

*Will I get to eat Mama's cooking every week?

*Will Mama text me everyday still?

*Will TengTeng still be close to me even if I was married?

*Will I get to see our gardens and hear Mama and Daddy talk proudly about their labors?

*Will we get to bond over cups of coffee and chocolate while we talk about our lives, dogs, our dreams, our house, and our plans?

*Will I still get to sleep beside Mama and Daddy at night?

*Will Daddy and I still bond over Pacquiao fights?

*Will Daddy and I still go to gun exhibits?

*Will Daddy and I still bond over UFC?

*Will I still be able to have those quiet moments with Mama and Daddy and have a quiet chat?

*Will I still get to join family trips?

*Will Kuya and I still bond with over TV series, funny movies, music, and badminton?

*Will Ate and I still go on our precious food trips, shopping, and Spa escapades?

I might not want to get married after all...

I guess these questions are normal to ask if a girl is about to get married. But just as Kelvin assured me, he will never take me away from my family and will even go with me everytime I go home. I am happy that Honey loves my family and he knows and respects how much I love my family and he knows how much they mean to me.
 
And with that, my tears have stopped.

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Wedding Blog: http://www.kelvinandleng2015.blogspot.com/
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