Thursday, July 23, 2015

Charlotte's Story

A couple of weeks ago, I caught up with my friend, Charlotte, who I have not seen in about two months. As we were catching each other up on the events of our lives since we last saw each other, she casually mentioned she was dating. I was surprised with the news because I thought that she was still with her boyfriend Vince, who she had been dating for three years. I asked her why they broke up and she was initially reluctant to tell me, saying there were irreconcilable differences and then she would laugh the issue off, as if her story was unimportant.  But after a few nosy questions from me, Charlotte eventfully told me that she broke up with Vince because he was using drugs and was physically abusing her.

I was stunned. I couldn’t believe it. Charlotte is a strong, confident woman; and the thought of her being manhandled and hurt by another person was pretty hard to process.

When she first found out he was using drugs, she broke things off with him. But of course Vince wouldn’t let her go; he apologized, begged, and pleaded for her to give him another chance. He promised he would never used again and even swore to take drug tests regularly.  Charlotte relented; she loved him. She figured her love was enough to make him stop using and stop hurting her. Maybe he did it because he was just under the influence of drugs; when he’s better or not stoned he wouldn’t do it again. Maybe he had learned his lesson and would change. So Charlotte forgave Vince, took him back, and gave him another chance.

But of course he didn’t change. He started using again, and she found out about it again, and the abuse soon followed. She couldn’t take it anymore.

She went on to tell me what happened; how she found out that Vince was using cocaine, and how Vince twisted her ear, or grabbed her forcefully by the arm, and how he humiliated her in public in one of their fights. My heart broke when she told me how he dragged her by the arm to the car and forcefully shoved her inside. The thing is, some people saw everything and not a single one of them did anything to stop him or to help Charlotte. She was too shocked to react, or do anything. All she could do was cry hysterically inside the confines of the car. Vince was so mad at her sobbing he pushed his forearm across her neck and pushed her onto her seat. Charlotte could do nothing but cry.

She prayed and prayed for herself and for Vince.

And then one day she woke up – literally and figuratively. She realized the abuse could not go on anymore; and that she didn’t feel anything for him anymore. She finally ended things between them – for the last time. It has been some months now but the guy is still trying to woo her to get her to get back with him. Apparently the guy still goes to her home and is still in contact with her family and relatives. They dated for about three years before the breakup and the guy eventually became close to her family and was treated like family. I was confused, why were her relatives still hanging out with that jerk after everything that he has done to her?!

That’s because no one in her family knows what really happened. When asked, she tells them things didn’t work out. And that was it. She didn’t tell them of the abuse because she didn’t want even more trouble. She just got out of one and didn’t want to jump into a new one. She knew the scandal this could cause to her family and his. Right now, she’s just too happy to be free of him and the abuse.

But Charlotte’s family has been conniving with Vince. They were plotting ways on how he and Charlotte can go out and be together. There was even one night when Charlotte was invited by her cousins for a movie date. But Charlotte knew something was up and decided not to go. True enough, her cousins and Vince were planning a mini reunion, in the hopes that they’ll patch thing up and get back together. Charlotte’s cousins also won’t stop asking her as to why she dumped him, or was he just another boy that Charlotte got tired of, as she did with her ex boyfriends. It has eventually come down to Charlotte’s family blaming her for the breakup.

But she just couldn’t tell them. Not yet anyway.

And this upset me to no end. I can’t stop thinking about her and her story. I couldn’t sleep. I tried to convince her to tell her parents. Right now I’m thinking maybe I came in too strong. But this is something I feel strongly about. Charlotte should at least tell her family. In her silence, she is letting the abuse continue; she is allowing Vince to manipulate her family, as he did her. What he did to her was a crime and he should pay for his crime. In keeping her silence, Charlotte lets Vince get away with his offenses. In her silence, Vince’s next girlfriend could be his next victim. In her silence, she is letting the abuse continue, and she will never be able to move on from what happened between her and Vince –  no matter how good she feels about herself now. Her silence puts a lid on what happened, making it seem as if it never happened. But it doesn’t take away the fact that she is a victim of abuse. The bruises may have faded but the emotional trauma those bruises have caused will last for years.

I tried to convince her. She knows she has to tell her family, and soon. But not right now. Right now she’s waiting for the storm to calm down. She’s waiting for the time when she’s ready to tell her family what really happened. But not right now.

I hope she tells her family soon. Very soon. So that she will no longer become his victim. I hope she speaks up soon.

Because I never did. I was abused ten years ago, and I've never said a word to anyone about it.

-Anonymous

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Tuesday, July 14, 2015

The Lovely Ladies and the Dashing Gentlemen

Now it's time for you to meet the dashing and lovely members of our entourage!


First up is one of our best men and Kelvin's younger brother, Keith. He was so amazing during our wedding he basically helped us organize the whole thing! Our coordinators were late for almost two hours and Keith helped us deal with and hand the payments to the florist, the choir, the other members, of the entourage - he even helped us collect payments for the make up artist! We had him running around the venue, the church, and entertain some of our guests. Man, if it weren't for him Kelvin and I would have gone crazy!




Pampanga Family trip 2010

Next up is Kelvin's other best man and best buddy, Jo Santos. He and Kelvin have been friends since high school in Don Bosco Makati. He has also been a part of Kelvin's and my love story, being Kelvin's decoy on our first monthsarry almost nine years ago. Being Kelvin's best friend, he has always been the first guy to know everything that happens to Kelvin and me. All our fights, successes, life events, everything! Jo was soo amazing during our wedding and he truly is one of the best as he picked up my best friends and took them to the resort. He also helped me surprise Kelvin with his wedding gift! He helped me buy the shoes and gave it to him during the wedding preps! Jo himself is getting married to his fiancee, Em, next year. And guess what? Kelvin is his best man too!



Albay trip August 2013

Albay trip August 2013



We move on to my one and only sister, and my Maid of Honor, Angelie Varias. Unlike the other maids of honor, Ate Ye was not active in my wedding preparations, mainly because she has been working in Dubai. When she came home for a month last year, she, along with the whole family, helped Kelvin and me look for a reception venue. But even if Ate wasn't physically present during the wedding preparations, she made up for her absence by frequent phone calls, and paying for my wedding gown and her own dress too. I will be forever grateful to my sister for giving me my dream gown.



2012

2014 Family Trip


Now it's time for the Secondary Sponsors!

Our candle sponsors are my cousin Adah (Daniela Evangelista) and our good friend Louie Tejada. Adah also was a big help in our wedding preparations as she made the origami flowers for the reception. I was just flabbergasted with how artistic and creative she is. And she also sang during the wedding dinner!

Louie, just like Jo, is also a member of our barkada, and has been friends with Kelvin since Don Bosco days. Just like Jo, Louie is also one of the guys who I feel the closest to. I remember years ago when Kelvin and I were still dating and he was single, he would accompany Kelvin when Kelvin would pick me up from work or whenever we go anywhere. 


Club Je 2009

Batangas 2010


Next are the veil sponsors, my cousin Ish (Patricia Navarro), and another good buddy Janno Rivera, who here is represented by my brother, as Janno got to the church a bit late. 

Ish is one of my coolest cousins who also helped me out a lot during the wedding preparations and the actual wedding. Ish assisted her sister Pauline during the pre-wedding interview video shoot, helped Adah with the origami, and she also sang during the wedding reception! Talk about a Jill-of-all trades!

Janno, another good buddy, was also our consultant during the wedding planning, as he is also into events. Just like Jo and Louie, these men have been friends since highschool. Janno has always been like a brother to me, he's a friend who has always been there for me and Kelvin, and a guy who is always available for a good ol' chat.

Side Note: I'd also like to thank my brother, Mel Francis Varias, for all his help during the wedding preparations, and for helping me lose those stubborn pounds through our rigorous badminton sessions. Thanks. Kuya!






The third pair is our Cord Sponsors, my cousin Angel Guno, and another good buddy, Alvin Lachica.

Angel is one of my sweetest cousins at sya pinakalaging kinikilig pag nakita kami ni Kelvin! Hahahaha! Among all of the members of our entourage, she is the one I am most protective of. Why? Because she's the youngest of the bunch at twelve years old! Di halata no? Aww! She's gotten so big she really is a young lady na!

Alvin, just like the previous guys (as most of the male members of the entourage), is also part of the barkada. He and Kelvin go a long way, with them being taekwondo and basketball buddies ever since high school. 




Playing Dota at Arena 2009


Now let's talk about the bridesmaids and groomsmen!

First, are my best friend Isha Santos, and Kelvin's childhood friend, Philip Co. Isha has been my best friend since high school and the mother of my first ever god child, Lawrence. Philip, has been Kelvin's friend since he was a little boy in their house in Paco. He spoils Kelvin big time and he's Kelvin's soulmate when it comes to food trips and computer games.




Second, we have my best friend Sesha Antonio, and Kelvin's friend, JP Tadeo. Sesha has been my best friend since I was ten, and whenever we get together, we always talk about our fight in the prayer room, and the time we walked from school to Taft Avenue, talking and wondering why boys didn't like us. Haha! JP used to be Kelvin's colleague and mentee in Fujitsu, and they've become good buddies in the office and outside the office due to their mutual love for basketball.




Third, we have my third best friend Razel, and Kelvin's friend and JP's brother, Oliver Tadeo. Just like Sesha, Razel and I have been best friends for about twenty years now and I can say she's one of the moodiest and most stubborn woman I have ever met. Peace! Love you, best! Oliver is also a good buddy, and he was Kelvin's colleague and basketball buddy back when Kelvin was still working in IBM. 



Gradeschool Graduation, 2002


The fourth pair is my cousin Mikka Manalang, and Kelvin's college friend, Jek Ramirez. I absolutely adore Mikka and I was so blown away with how gorgeous she looked on our wedding day. I guess it is an understatement if I say she doesn't like wearing gowns or make-up. Mike, as we call her, never really liked girly clothes, or anything girly, period. So for her to walk down the aisle like that, all dolled up, is a huge effort for her. Thank you, cuz! Love mo talaga ako! Jek and Kelvin have been friends since college in Asia Pacific College. Among their group of friends, Jek (along with Joma and Jess) is one of the people I'm most comfortable with. He has always been very gracious, friendly, and funny to everyone. He's also one of Kelvin's best buddies in their group, as he is one of the guys that Kelvin trusts.



The fifth pair is one of my favorite couples in the world. Say hello to my TA BFF Joyce and her husband Joma De Vera! I first met the couple nine years ago when Kelvin and I stated dating and we have gone in thousands of double dates over the years. Joyce has always been my confidant as Joma has been Kelvin's. Joyce also organized one of my bridal showers along with our other friends. I am so happy that the couple is now pregnant with their firstborn, more than two years after their wedding. At syempre, nnang ako! Kelvin and I have been trying to conceive as well. Baka makahabol pa kami ng kinakapatid ni Baby De Vera!







The sixth pair is my cousin Clarice Varias, and Kelvin's friend and basketball buddy, Wency Young. Clarice is my dad's brother's only daughter, who is not only gorgeous, but also stunningly intelligent, taking up accountancy in college. I remember when she was still a wee girl, she was so quiet but oh so bungisngis! Wency is a good friend of Kelvin and Jo, who is another basketball enthusiast.



The seventh pair is my gorgeous sister-in-law Jamila Utayde, and her cousin Solomon Tan. Jami is my salon-buddy and make up consultant. She is also the mom of our ever-adorable flower girl, Sophia Anne. Ahia Sonny Boy,came all the way from Mindanao, just to be with us and be one of Kelvin's groomsmen.






The eight and last pair, is also one of my favorite couples, with the ever energetic Melissa Amurao, and Kelvin's sweet boylet and barkada, Jaja La Rosa. The couple, also engaged to be married in 2017, has graciously agreed to be part of our entourage. I have always enjoyed our long talks and heart-to-heart conversations. This year, me and the TA ladies have agreed to meet on a regular basis for quick chats over dinner or coffee so that we can catch up on our lives and break the monotony or the work week. 




So there you go, folks! I'm extremely happy with our choice of members of the entourage as these are the people who have been with us for years and I'm certain will be with us for years and years in the future. 

I dedicate this blog to the lovely ladies and gentlemen. We would like to thank you for the love, support, tears, and laughter that we have shared over the years. Thank you for being with us on the first day of our married life; we look forward to more years of laughter, tears, and love with you.


#KelandLeng2015
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Our Principal Sponsors

I have been writing soo much about me and The Husband; but how could I forget the people who made US happen?

This blog’s edition is dedicated to the people who literally and figuratively walked and will be walking with us as Kelvin and I start and keep our marriage.

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like you to meet our Principal Sponsors, our Secondary Sponsors, Bridesmaids, Groomsmen, flower girls, bearers, and our parents!

Today I’ll start off with our Principal Sponsors or Ninongs and Ninangs:




My uncle and the mayor of Alfonso, Cavite; Hon. Mayor Virgilio Varias, and his charming First Lady, Mrs. Rosemarie Varias


Hon. Judge Gonzalo Q. Mapili Jr.  of Cavite, and his wife, my aunt, Dr. Leoncia V. Mapili, who not only ensures that the people of Cavite has sparkling set of teeth, but also has the most enchanting smile




Mr. Cesar Maligalig, and Kelvin’s aunt, Mrs. Dalisay Maligalig, who is also the Principal Statistician of Asian Development Bank



MSgt. Danilo Evangelista of the Philippine Air Force, and my aunt and feisty godmother, Mrs. Melanie Evangelista



Mr. Alexander Macalma, who just arrived from the States after recently retiring from the US Navy, and my elegant Tita, who prepared a scrumptious seafood lunch for us when we visited her in Cavite, Mrs. Virgina Gañac-Macalma.



My uncle, Mr. Gil P. Melo, and his wife, my ever stylish Ninang Mrs. Julie C. Melo. I pleasantly remember when we were still planning  the wedding, my family and I would always bump into them in SM.




My uncle Engr. Cezar Lamanero, who, sadly was not able to make it because he was in Dubai, and our enchanting Ninang who came all the way from Ilo-Ilo, Mrs. Josephine Lamanero.

One of our favorite Ninongs, Dr. Edgar Michael T. Eufemio, who is one of Papa’s treasured friends. He has also been a massive part of Kelvin’s life, having operated Kelvin’s  knees (yes, both of Kelvin’s knees) for his ACL injuries in 2008 and 2011. His wife, also our Ninang, Mrs. Anna Marie V. Eufemio, was unfortunately unable to join us due to a trip outside the country.



Another lovely pair, is our buddy Janno’s parents, Mr. and Mrs. Abraham and Josephine Rivera. Ninang Jo is one of our Ninangs who have given us the wisest and most important lessons of married life. I will forever treasure our dinner where we talked about the importance of family, children, and faith.




The last two ladies on the list are the loveliest and the sexiest Ninangs of them all. They truly are our second (and third?) mothers.

Mrs. Hydie F. Peralta, our good buddy JR’s mom, and the barkada’s surrogate mom. Ninang Hydie has been there for Kelvin and the whole barkada ever since they started in grade school and high school in Don Bosco Makati. If you want to know the history of the gang, Ninang Hydie is your go-to woman.



Mrs. Corazon Santos, our mother with another brother, and Kelvin’s best man, Jo. Even since Kelvin and I started years  years ago, she has always been our confidant, mother, and the barkada’s peacekeeper. Kelvin and I recently got into a major fight, two weeks before the wedding, and it was Ninang Corgie who helped us patch things up. Just like Ninang Hydie, Ninang Corgie has seen Kelvin and me, and the rest of the gang, grow from the young snotty boys, into the fine men that they are right now.



And there you go! I dedicate this blog to our phenomenal Ninongs and Ninangs who joined us on our wedding day and took time off their insanely busy schedules. Thank you so much po! With you behind us as our advisers and guides, we're more confident that our marriage will always be on the right track. Thank you for all your advice and guide even before our wedding day. We love you!



Next up are the lovely ladies and dashing men of our wedding party!

#KelandLeng2015
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Thursday, July 2, 2015

My thoughts on marriage a month after our weddng

Kelvin and I have been married a month now, and a thousand things have been happening. A lot of people have been asking me about the changes and discoveries of a newly married life. Well, do I have a lot of stories for you!

First, let’s talk about the general stuff:
  • ·         I am not a big fan of house chores, but because I’m a wife now, I have to do them
  • ·         When I was still single, I would ask my brother to travel from Batangas to Manila just to clean my house. Now Kelvin and I clean the house. Kelvin’s territory is the terrace and restroom, and I take care of the bedrooms, living and dining room, and the kitchen.
  • ·         When I was still single, I didn’t cook at home because I didn’t like the idea of cooking for myself, eating alone, and cleaning up after myself. So what I did is I just go to the office and ask my colleagues to eat with me at the pantry or any fast food/restaurant nearby. Now I wake up at 5 or 6 in the morning to prepare our breakfast, and lunch that we take to work. I now have someone to eat with at home, and Kelvin cleans up and washes the dishes while I take a shower. J I also realized that I like cooking! It was my first time to cook Chicken Curry, giniling, and all other dishes and Kelvin seemed to love all of them. I’m just happy some of Mama’s spectacular cooking skills have rubbed off on me. Now my daily thoughts as a wife is, “What should I prepare for breakfast/lunch/dinner later/tonight/tomorrow/the next day/ next week?” I’m also excited to try out some new dishes and surprise Kelvin with them.
  • ·         Last year, when I needed my clothes washed, I take my clothes to the laundry shop, and some of them to my Mama and she washed my clothes for me. But because I’m married now, I do the laundry – well most of it is delegated to the laundry shop, but some of it I wash by hand. But because I haven’t washed a single piece of clothing in YEARS, when I first did the laundry, I ended up with nasty abrasions on my knuckles.
  • ·         I am not neatest person (alright, fine, I am not neat at all) but now everytime I leave the house I have to make sure that everything is in its place and the bed is made so that when the husband and I come home, all tuckered out from work, we won’t be stressed out by the sight of our messy house.

Second, here are the things that I do/did that (sometimes) drive Kelvin nuts:

  • ·         He wasn’t very impressed with how I put our wedding gifts in the cabinet so he decided to rearrange them – which hurt my feelings;
  • ·         He also wasn’t very happy with how I stacked the washed dishes in the dish rack so he rearranged them too; this time he asked me first
  • ·         He didn’t like that my fried rice had big unpeeled garlic in them. He insisted that he was choking on them
  • ·         He didn’t like that I left out one serving dish unwashed when I left for work. When I got home, I saw him sleeping on the couch and when I woke him up, he sleepily admonished me, “You didn’t wash the plate” – and that, again, hurt my feelings. I cleaned house and did the laundry before work, by the way
  • ·         He wasn’t very happy that I forgot to take out the trash and decided to reprimand me the moment I woke up the next morning.
  • ·         He was not happy that the china cabinet was blocking the fuse box. How in the world could I have moved that thing? What does he think of me, Wonderwoman?!
  • ·         He asked me not to put hot water in one of our glasses because it might break. A few days later I did see one of our glasses with a crack on it. Whether it was the glass that I used, I am not quite certain.
  • ·         (Again) Because I am not very neat nor organized, I’ve got a lot of stuff on the couch. Kelvin has politely asked me to remove my bags, clothes, make up, plastic bags, toiletries, pillows, bags of food, and what not off of it.  I’ve got so much stuff on there! So much that you can’t see the couch anymore! Haha!
  • ·         It takes me quite a long time to get ready so he decided that I should take a shower before he does because I still have to put my makeup and lotion on, go through about 3 outfits before I choose the final one and move my stuff into a different bag.

Third, these are the things that Kelvin did/does that (sometimes) drive me crazy:
  • ·         To take care of the pesky mosquitoes, Kelvin bought a bug spray and uses them at home. The thing is, after using it, he leaves it lying around in the house and I keep on putting it back in the cabinet only to find it again in another location the next day! I have lost count of the number of times I’ve seen that thing on the table, in the kitchen, and in the living room. The same goes for the bathroom cleaner!
  • ·         Once Kelvin gets home, he leaves ALL of his stuff in the living room. That includes his shirts (the clean ones and the not-so-clean ones), socks, underwear, trash, and everything else. And not just the living room! He leaves them on the dining table too!
  • ·         On our first weekend as a married couple, we bought tons of stuff for the house, including a toothbrush and toothpaste holder. So, can someone please tell me why Kelvin still leaves his toothbrush on the sink?
  • ·         Kuya Manuel (a family friend and jack-of-all trades) installed a bolt lock on the door. So why doesn’t Kelvin use it?
  • ·         Kelvin farts ALL THE TIME
  • ·         Kelvin puts food in the fridge and he doesn’t cover it
  • ·         Kelvin eats cold pizza
  • ·         Kelvin drank ALL of our wine
  • ·         He uses the serving dish for the rice as his own plate so that he doesn’t have to wash ONE extra plate

As much as he drives me crazy, he still does a lot of things that make me go, “Aww…”. So for the last list, here are the things that I love about The Husband:

  • ·         When he leaves the house before I do, he makes the bed so that when I come home, I have a nice neat bed to lay my tired body on.
  • ·         He pulls his own weight with the chores by taking care of the garage, restroom, dishes, the trash, and tidying up the house.
  • ·         He always tells me that he doesn’t want me doing too many things at home and he doesn’t want me to tire myself out.
  • ·         I have been sick for a number days and my asthma is acting up especially in the middle of the night. When I suffer from coughing fits in the middle of the night, Kelvin would wake right up, hand me some water and my inhaler, and tap my back. He’d then wait for my coughing fits to settle down and then he hugs me back to sleep.
  • ·         Before bed, he sets up my nebulizer, and makes me use it so that I don’t cough as much at night.
  • ·         When we wake up in the morning, he makes sure that I take my use my maintenance inhaler (yes, I have two inhalers) and take my vitamins.
  • ·         Every morning Kelvin makes sure that there’s water in the restroom for my bath.
  • ·         Even when I work late, he waits for me either outside the office at Starbucks, or at home. He waits for me to get home even if it’s almost midnight just so we can have dinner together.
  • ·         He takes his provider role very seriously. As soon as he gets his salary, he gives all of it to me so that I can pay our bills and buy the things that we need
  • ·         He goes with me to the grocery store to shop for groceries and carries ALL of them home.
  • ·         One night I was craving for ice cream and I couldn’t sleep, he took me to the grocery store at 1am just so I could buy my ice cream.
  • ·         He lets me buy the things that I THINK we need for the house.
  • ·         He takes me to Resort World and buys me ice cream crepe. J
  • ·         He still texts me everyday when he gets to the office, during his lunch break, and before he travels home from work. He still asks me if I have eaten and asks me how I am in the middle of the day.

Aww!

So there you go, folks! I told you a thousand things have happened.

What have I learned in a month?

Marriage is indeed tricky with a union of two individuals with pretty strong personalities. Kelvin is his parents’ firstborn and he’s used to making decisions, and lived with his family for 28 years; while I am the youngest in my family, I hate taking orders because I usually make the decisions, and I am used to doing things my way without anyone telling me what to do because I’ve lived on my own for more than 8 years. This means that we usually butt heads especially when we don’t agree on things and I refuse to do the things he asks me to do (which usually annoys the hell out of him).

It’s a good thing that Kelvin and I have agreed, years and years ago, to be really open to each other and tell each other what we think, what we like, dislike, and all other things. In our first month together, every time we find something that we do not like about each other or what the other person has done, we immediately and politely tell each other. This is so that we don’t get offended, and think of ways on how we can change whatever it is we need to change.

In the beginning it was difficult. I took offense and got upset when he said something about the things I’ve done. I felt like I wasn’t doing a good job as a wife, and that somehow I failed. But then I realized (and he also told me) that whenever Kelvin comments about the house, he doesn’t do it because he’s complaining or criticizing me. It’s just that; a comment. He is just telling me what he wants so that I can think about it, compare it to what I want, and come up with a solution that we both can mutually benefit from.

But then on top of everything, even after all the fights, disagreement, tears, cleaning, washing, cooking, lack of sleep, and all other things; I can still say that marriage is spectacular. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I can say that getting married, or marrying Kelvin, that is – is one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. We have a lot of differences but those differences are actually what make our marriage work. I am not looking forward to our inevitable fights in the future but I sure am excited for the “kiss and make up” moments. If you know what I mean. *wink wink*

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