August 2013: The Failed Proposal because of a bratty Bride-to-Be

Did you know that Kelvin's Christmas proposal was not his first proposal? So here's the story...

My then boyfriend, Kelvin and I decided to go on an out of town trip for the first time. We started dating in 2006 pero hindi pa talaga kami nakaka pag out of town na malayo. Hindi kasi mahilig magbyahe si Kelvin kaya whenever we go out of town, lagi lang kami nagpupunta sa Batangas or Cavite. The fathest we've gone was Pamapanga for a family reunion, but apart from that, we haven't really gone anywhere far. 

But in January 2013, I finally convinced Kelvin to go on a trip with two other couples. The moment he said yes, I grabbed the opportunity and booked us a round trip ticket to Legazpi, Albay!

You see, this is a really big deal for me kasi I've never been on a plane before and we've never been on a trip this far before.

Before boarding the plane

Ready for takeoff!

Little did I know that Kelvin was planning to propose to me na pala on our Legazpi trip. He wanted to buy a ring in Legazpi but our friends convinced him not to buy a ring there. Unfortunately, we were already in Albay so he failed to get a ring.

We've arrived!

On the second day of our trip, our group went to Cagsaua ruins, took an ATV adventure trip, visited Lignon Hill, and ate at Mr. Crab.

Phenomenal adventure!

ATV!

At Lignon Hill

It was a wonderful day! However, right in the middle of our meal, tumawag ang boss ni Kelvin, and after the phone call, Kelvin began stressing and ranting about work. When we got back to the hotel, he started working on his computer, which he already did the night before when we arrived. 

At Mr. Crabs

I felt so frustrated. It took us six months to prepare for this trip and I was soo excited for our adventures but there he was stressing about work and he brought along his laptop with him!

We eventually fought about it, and our fight got so bad I decided to leave the hotel and tried to go back to Manila. Our friends eventually convinced me to go back to the hotel. I then hung around with my girls at the pool while Kelvin was with the boys. 

With my girls

Our friends Jo, Em, Joma, and Joyce

After a few minutes, Kelvin arrived and our friends left us alone. 

After a long talk about work and priorities, we finally made up. I was able to make him realize that I really admire his dedication to work but he also needed to find the right balance between work and personal life. Pag quality time, dapat kami lang talaga and no work.

After a few minutes, Kelvin took my hand, and then humarap kami sa pool na may view ng Mayon Volcano. 

He then held my hands and started to say his speech. I knew right at that moment that he was about to go on one knee and was about to propose. I knew he didn't have a ring because the only thing he was wearing was his swimming shorts.

And because (almost!) every woman's dream was to be proposed to on one knee with a sparkling diamond ring, I decided na basagin ang trip nya.

As he was about to kneel, I held up one hand and said, "Honey, if you are about to propose and you do not have a ring with you, please do not propose yet."

Haha!

Nagtampo sya ng konti pero he just hugged me and kissed me on the forehead. Hindi sya makapag reklamo, we just made up e!

Here we are the day after!

He eventually was able to successfully propose to me four months after our trip. He surprised me at home with a sparkling, beautiful, diamond ring. And I said yes. Check out his surprise proposal here!

 We've been married for more than six months now. :)

What about you? Do you know of any failed proposal stories?

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Wedding Blog: http://www.kelvinandleng2015.blogspot.com/

My life's blog: http://www.sentimentsofleng.blogspot.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elliane.varias

My first Christmas as a Tan

For almost thirty years I have spent Christmas Eve at home with my parents. We’d wake up at around 5 in the morning every 24^th of December, go to the market and grocery store, and Ma and I would be cooking all day until close to midnight. As Mama and I would cook, Ate would be washing the dishes, pots, and pans; while Daddy and Kuya would be busy setting up the grill. Mama and I would finish cooking a few hours before midnight. And at the stroke of midnight on Christmas Eve, we would all gather at the dining table and share a Christmas meal followed by opening of the gifts. And on Christmas morning, we’d hear mass and then celebrate the whole day with the Laminero clan.

Christmas 2015 was a little different. Kelvin and I got married almost 7 months ago and this is our first Christmas as husband and wife. I was able to convince Kelvin that we celebrate Christmas at his parents’ home, and the New Year’s at mine.

So last Thursday, we went to Paco, Manila to celebrate Christmas with the Tans. Hon and I decided to have lunch first at Max’s then buy gifts for Sophie’ our niece, and Kelvin’s parents. After shopping, we then went to my in-laws’ house. By the time we arrived, Mama Kila had cooked a LOT of dishes all by herself. We gave Sophie her gift; I played with Sophie for a bit, and then joined Kelvin for a nap. Jami woke us up at 6PM so that we could prepare to go to the church.

Sophie and Big B!

In the Tan household, I realized that they hear mass on the 24^th instead of the 25^th; which is just fine. I realized it’d be difficult to hear mass on Christmas morning; waking Kelvin up at 6AM would be a big mistake. Haha!

I was very excited to hear mass and celebrate Christmas with my new family. When Kelvin and I got married, I was excited that I was gaining a new family, in addition to my existing phenomenal family.

So we then all got inside the car and off to the church we went.

A few minutes inside the car and suddenly, out of nowhere, I felt an odd feeling, like things were different; I felt weird, and alone. I was seated between Jami, Sophie, and Mama Kila, and Kelvin was sitting behind me. Don’t get me wrong. I love my new family. For the past nine years, I have never been treated differently by the Tans, and I’ve always felt like I was – and still am, a part of the family. They have cared for me just like a real family. But for just a few seconds, things felt different. I felt lonely. For the past thirty years, I spent every 24^th of December with my mom, dad, and siblings, cooking up a storm and trying to beat the clock. But on that night it was different. I was in a car without my mother, my father, my nephew, and my siblings. I held back my tears as I said to myself, I’m with Kelvin now; he is my family now. And I am with family too; the Tans are also my family now so I shouldn’t be sad. Plus I’ll see Mama and Daddy tomorrow; and we’ll celebrate New Year’s Eve in Batangas.

After a few minutes we then arrived at the church and we sat down on the last row of seats. Since the mass hadn’t started yet, Papa invited us to take family pictures. I love pictures! Especially ones of families! After the pictures were taken, we all sat down and waited for the mass to start. As I was looking around and staring at the images of the saints inside the church, Kelvin leaned down and whispered in my ear, “Ay, iiyak nay an at name-miss ang Mama nya.” Aww, someone’s missing her Mama and is about to cry.

And that’s when the waterworks started.

I was trying to put on a brave face, a happy face. But I couldn’t hide my missing my Mama and Daddy. I just missed them so much.

Honey laughed out loud, and hugged me tight. This husband of mine just loves seeing me cry and pine for my Mama! 

Kelvin making fun of me!

Jami and Baby Sophie saw me silently crying and provided my much needed distraction.

Peace!

After the mass, we went back home and feasted on the terrific dinner that Mama Kila had prepared for us. Man, did we leave that table with our tummies bursting with delectable food!

We then moved to the living room to open our presents. And boy, we got a lot of them! We got gifts from Mama and Papa, Jami, Jace, Sophie, Atchee Mampi, and Tita Ning. Thank you so much!

One of Sophie’s presents was blowing bubbles, and she was ecstatic! Here’s a video of her delightedly chasing the elusive bubbles!

After opening the gifts, we then retired to our bedrooms to rest for the night.

As for Kelvin and me, we went inside the bedroom, were we had a private celebration of our first Christmas as The Husband and The Wife. 

Kelvin played his guitar and sang for me! 

We sang together for a few minutes and then Hon took to our laptop and played a computer game (once a game, always a gamer!) I waited for midnight to strike so I could call my mom.    

At the stroke of midnight, I received a text message from Mama greeting me a Merry Christmas.

I called Mama up and the moment she answered the phone, I heard her sniffing. She wished me a Merry Christmas and told me she was missing me. I consoled her and asked to stop crying as I would be seeing her the next day. She then passed the phone to Daddy so I could also greet him.

As soon as I got to talk to Daddy, I asked him if he was missing me. He answered with, “Syempre miss. Wala ka dito e. Wala na nga Ate mo, wala ka pa. First time e.”

That was when I lost it again. Silent tears ran down my cheeks. It was the first time my father ever said he missed me. You see, my father is a quiet man. He rarely speaks and usually speaks only when spoken to. It is rare for him to verbalize any emotion and would just usually smile or frown to convey his reactions to situations. But on that Christmas Eve, my father said they were missing me.

I hung up the phone with a heart full of different emotions. I was tearful because I was missing my parents, my brother, sister, and nephew. I was anxious as an annual tradition has been broken. But at the same time, I felt joy as I celebrated my first Christmas with The Husband, and my new family. I was happy to spend a lot of time with my in laws and celebrate Christmas with them. Next to my immediate family, there is no one else I would want to celebrate Christmas with.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

___________________________________

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Wedding Blog: http://www.kelvinandleng2015.blogspot.com/

My life's blog: http://www.sentimentsofleng.blogspot.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elliane.varias

Our Wedding Day Part 3: The Ceremony: Love Lasting Forever and Sex in the Animal Kingdom

On my last blog, I wrote about the thoughts running through my head as I was walking down the aisle to my groom.

On this blog I would like to share with you the main highlight of the wedding ceremony. In most wedding ceremonies the highlight is the exchange of vows. That moment when the bride and the groom vow to each other, “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part…”

No, that was not the highlight of our wedding ceremony. The highlight was our priest - at least his homily.

Now don’t get me wrong, the whole ceremony was wonderful. But like all brides say, the whole ceremony really will go by sooo fast the next thing you, know, the ceremony is over!! And that’s the exact same thing that happened to ours. The whole thing went by so fast, I was excitedly looking forward from one part of the ceremony to another that before I realized it the whole ceremony was done and the photographers were asking us to pose for pictures.

Our exchange of vows was sweet, but sadly unremarkable. In the movies, the couple recites the vows while looking at each other with so much love in their eyes. That wasn’t it at all for Kelvin and me. We were simply following the priest’s instructions and just read the vows from the small booklet we didn’t have to time to look into each other’s eyes. Looking back at our ceremony, I wish we had said our vows slower, giving us time to really digest what we were saying to each other. But all in all, the vows were sweet, traditional, and romantic.

But like what I said, the vows weren’t really the highlight of our ceremony. The real deal was the priest’s homily.

Why, you ask? You can ask all of our guests and they can surely tell you why. In fact, one of our guests even posted about it.

What was the priest's homily about?

Ladies and gentlemen, the priest talked about animals of the same gender having sex on the streets.

Yes, folks, you read that right. He asked us if we have ever seen two male dogs having sex on the streets.

You see, we soon found out that the good father was massively anti same-sex marriage and anti-divorce. And he clearly expressed his dismay during our wedding ceremony.

He first asked Kelvin if he was a man and he then asked me if I was a woman. He then spoke vehemently about us fighting for man-and-woman marriage, and that divorce isn’t legal on the Philippines.

He also said that humans are worse than animals. Inside a church filled with, well humans!

He asked everyone, “Can you imagine a dog in the streets; a dog, male and male doing sex at the same time? No you can’t do that! Or a cat! So Kelvin and Ellaine, you should fight for that institution, marriage!”

He also talked about marriage binding a man and woman forever. At one point he told Kelvin, “You cannot return Ellaine to her family, or you cannot even exchange for another woman. And this will last forever and ever!”

Now this one I totally agree with! Haha!

Our brilliant video team of course captured the incredible homily. Here it is for your viewing pleasure!

Some of our friends asked us as to what was going through our minds during the homily. Looking back I remember Kelvin and I holding hands so tight I thought our bones would break. Kelvin was stroking my hands trying to soothe me, he was probably afraid I would freak out or something.

Personally I had mixed feelings. First, I couldn’t believe that the priest was talking about gay marriage and divorce when Kelvin and I are not gay and we’re not getting a divorce. In fact, we were doing the exact opposite! We certainly cringed when the priest mentioned the cats and dogs of the same gender having sex on the streets.

Second, I felt awkward a little embarrassed because a good number of our guests (and suppliers!) were gay! It was so awkward I couldn’t look around to check how they were reacting.

And third, I finally felt relief when father finally talked about us and stressed on the importance of marriage and not separating or having a divorce.

Was I upset? No I was not. I thought I was going to be. But I wasn’t; not even at that moment. I was shocked, I felt awkward, and a bit embarrassed; but I was not upset. I realized I was feeling so much love from Kelvin, from our families and our guests I had no room for anything else. I was too happy to feel anything else.

And now I ask myself, had I known would I change anything? Hmm I probably would. But then again, if anything, his homily made our wedding ceremony all the more memorable. Something Kelvin and I would talk about for years and years to come.  

Note: The priest wasn’t the original priest who was supposed to marry us. The parish priest of the Air Base who was supposed to marry Kelvin and me was called away by the base commander on our wedding day so he had to find a replacement.

#KelandLeng2015

__________________________________

Hit me up!

Wedding Blog: http://www.kelvinandleng2015.blogspot.com/

My life's blog: http://www.sentimentsofleng.blogspot.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elliane.varias

Twitter: https://twitter.com/PlinsesLeng

What's in a name?

Last week Kelvin took me to the gym and he signed me up as his guest. As a guest I had to write down my name in the log sheet. I wrote down my first name, and then last name. I guess out of habit, I started writing the letter V, and was about to spell out the rest of my maiden name when I stopped abruptly and saw Kelvin looking at the log sheet, smiling. Oops! I guess I forgot I have a new name now. Teehee!

Recently some friends have asked me if I have legally changed my name or when I am going to change my Facebook name from “Elliane Varias” to “Elliane Tan”. As I sit down in front of my laptop about to change my name, I didn’t realize how difficult it would be for me to change my name – even just on Facebook.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my new last name. My name is a symbol of me being married to my incredible Kelvin; that I am his forever, and that we’re building our family as one, forever. I just love it. I dreamed of marrying him and taking his name. Even before we were married in our first few years together, I would imagine using his name.

I guess what I’m saying is because the name “Elliane Laminero Varias” has been my name for the past thirty years, it is pretty difficult to let go. I guess the thought of relinquishing my name would profoundly affect how I think about my own identity.

I never realized how important my name was to me until now. You see, my name has a lot of history in it. Lamineros originated from the Visayas, specifically from Romblon, and Iloilo. My grandfather travelled to Lipa, Batangas to become a soldier, where he met my grandmother. My granddad was considered one of the brightest in the Philippine Air Force during his time. My mother is an intelligent woman, who bested her peers when she was young. She wanted to be a nurse but had to let go of her dream after her father’s demise when she was twelve. The Lamaneros in Iloilo are of great mind and educators, with a lot of my relatives being teachers and educators, including me, who happens to be a trainer.

The Varias is also a known name especially in Alfonso, Cavite. Growing up I was surprised that a lot – and I mean A LOT of people were named Varias in Alfonso. Even the mayor is a Varias – Mayor Virgilio Varias, my father’s distant cousin and also the Principal Sponsor at our wedding. You will also find the word Varias in Pedro Paterno’s book called “Sampaguitas y otras poesías varias” – the first book of poetry published by a Filipino in Europe; it means plenty or multiple. 

My father was awarded as the rifle sharpshooter when he was still active in the Philippine Air Force, and received numerous awards in the Intelligence Division of the PAF.

I have always taken pride in the fact that I am a Laminero-Varias. My name links me to my family, and my relatives, and my history as a person. My name is my identity, and it defines me as a person. All of my achievements and accomplishments in the last thirty years have been tagged to my name. No, I am not famous. I just take pride in my name.

But today I have decided to fully take my husband’s name. Because that is who I am now. I belong to him. I am my husband’s wife, and the mother of our future children. My husband and I are now one, therefore I choose to take his name. I choose to honor him and our family. My name may help define who I am, but I am still me even with a new name. My heritage and my history still stand. I am still my parents' daughter, and I am still a product of my history.

Our name is what binds us as a family; it is what makes us one. Like what the Bible says in Matthew 19:2-9: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh."

I am Elliane Tan.

________________________________

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Wedding Blog: http://www.kelvinandleng2015.blogspot.com/

My life's blog: http://www.sentimentsofleng.blogspot.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elliane.varias

Dahil sa Call Center

Apparently there's a post of Facebook that has gone viral. This is about a young man named Erickson Ignacio Marcos, who was immensely insulted when he was offered a data analyst job in a call center company. He claims that his level of education (5-year bachelor degree) is too good for a call center job; and that the offer is an insult to his education and profession.

When I first read the post, I was so furious I had tears in my eyes. You see, I have been working in the call center for years and I have tons of friends who also have been in the industry for as long as I have, and some even longer. But instead of swearing at him and hunting him down and skinning him alive, (which I still want to do) I've decided to write him a letter. At dahil buwan ng wika, pahintulutan nyo akong magsulat sa Filipino.

Dear Mr. Marcos,

My name is Elliane L. Varias-Tan. I am a registered nurse, and a bronze medalist from Far Eastern University Institute of Nursing. I also have been working in the call center for years.

Maitanong ko lang. Anong masama sa pagta-trabaho sa call center? Mababang uri ba ito ng trabaho?

Dahil hindi ko alam ang istorya mo, hayaan mong ipakilala ko sa iyo ang sarili ko.

Nagumpisa akong bilang call center agent nung July 24, 2006, anim na araw matapos kong malaman na pumasa ako sa board exam. Bakit call center? Dahil galing ako sa batch 2006, may issue noon tungkol sa leakage at walang ospital na gustong tumanggap sa akin. Dahil gusto kong makatulong sa Mama at Daddy ko, nag-apply ako sa call center. Natanggap din ako ng araw na iyon at nagtrain ako kung pano kumausap sa mga Amerikano, nag saulo ako ng mga codes, laws, policies, spiels, produkto, at kung ano ano pa. Nag ensayo kung pano gumamit ng Avaya phone, magtransfer ng call, mag hold, at sumalag ng lahat ng klase ng mura at panlalait. Dahil Amerikano ang mga customers ko, kailangang sa gabi ako magtrabaho. Naranasan mo na bang magtrabaho buong gabi, Mr. Marcos? Yung pakiramdam na antok na antok ka na, hilong hilo ka na sa antok, pero kailangan mo pa ring sumagot ng tawag ng mga customers na walang ginawa kundi magtanong, mag utos, awayin at murahin ka tungkol sa kanilang account? Buong gabi wala akong ginawa kundi kumausap at tumulong sa mga taong nagbibigay ng negosyo sa kumpanyang pinapasukan ko. Lahat ng kamag anak at kaibigan ko, himbing na himbing sa pagtulog, pero ako nag sasaulo pa rin, kausap ang QA, TL, managers, at kung sino sino pa. Ginawa ko yon ng mahigit na isang taon, Mr. Marcos.

Simula 2008 hanggang kasalukuyan, unti unti na akong napromote; mula English Skills Trainer, naging Voice and Accent Trainer, Senior Trainer, at Assistant Training Manager. Natutunan ko kung paano mag turo sa mga ahente, supervisors, quality analysts, manager, senior manager, at associate vice presidents. At dahil nasa iba't ibang lugar ang mga accounts ng kumpanya, nagturo ako sa iba't ibang lugar sa iba't ibang shift. Mr. Marcos, naranasan mo na bang mag trabaho sa iba't ibang oras? Lunes at Martes umaga ang shift mo sa Makati, tapos Miyerkules hanggang Byernes sa gabi naman ang trabaho mo sa Ortigas o Mandaluyong? Naranasan mo na bang sumakay ng jeep, bus, at tricycle, taxi, Uber, at eroplano araw araw papuntang Makati, Mandaluyong, Ortigas, Quezon City, Marikina, Taguig, Pasay, Nueva Ecija, at Cebu? Naranasan mo na bang makatulog sa loob ng bus, at pagkagising mo, sa sobrang disoriented mo, hindi mo na alam kung papasok ka pa lang o pauwi ka na? Naranasan ko yon, Mr. Marcos. At hanggang ngayon nararanasan ko pa din yon.

Mahirap ang napili kong trabaho, Mr. Marcos. Napakahirap. 

Pero...

Dahil sa propesyong ito, lumawak ang aking kaalaman at karanasan mula sa pagkakakilala sa mga atleta, doktor, MD at PhD, nars, engineer, artists, wrestler, arkitekto, inhinyero, dentista, pharmacist, aktor, yoga instructors, guro, abugado, mga may master's degree, mga COO, may ari ng kani-kanilang negosyo, mga hindi nakatapos ngunit mga nasa matataas ng posisyon sa kanilang mga kumpanya. 

Dahil sa call center na ito, maraming akong nakilalang ina, ama, anak, kapatid, pinsan, kaaway at kaibigan. 

Dahil sa call center na ito, nakilala ko ang asawa ko.

Dahil sa call center na ito, nakaipon ako ng pera at nakasakay ng eroplano para makapunta sa Albay at Cebu at nakilala ang iba't ibang tao. Mga lugar na dati'y nakikita ko lamang sa pahina ng aklat ko sa eskwela. 

Nang dahil sa propesyong ito nakapagturo ako sa iba't ibang unibersidad at lugar sa Luzon tulad ng UP, Ateneo, De La Salle Lipa, Asia Pacific College, Philippine National Police, at iba pa.

Nang dahil sa call center na ito, nakabili ako ng bahay para sa magulang ko. Isang 3-bedroom bungalow na nakatayo sa isang 440sqm na lote sa Batangas; isang lugar kung saan makikita mo ang Taal Lake pati na ang mga ilaw ng Tagaytay pag dating ng gabi. Isang lugar kung saan makakalanghap ka ng malinis ang hangin at makakarinig ng mga huni ng iba't ibang ibon.

Nang dahil sa call center na ito, nakakabili ako ng mga furniture, appliance, damit, gadget, at kahit ano pang gustuhin ko, ng asawa, at ng magulang ko.

Nang dahil sa call center na ito, nabuhay ko ang pamilya ko, natulungan ko ang magulang ko na pag-aralin si Kuya ng Nursing, natulungan kong pag-aralin ang pamangkin ko, at nakatulong ako makapunta at makapagtrabaho si Ate sa Dubai.

Nang dahil sa call center na ito naibibili ko ng kahit anong naisin nila ang magulang ko; napagbakasyon ko sila sa Baguio ng isang linggo, naibibili ko ng designer bags ang Mama ko, at mga relo ang Daddy ko. Dahil sa trabahong ito, naipapasyal ko ang magulang ko at naidadala kung saan nila gusto, at nakakabili ng maintenance na gamot nila.

At tandaan mo, ito ay aking kwento lamang. Alam mo bang mahigit isang milyon na ang nagta-trabaho sa call center?

Ngayon, matanong nga ulit kita. Anong masama sa pagta-trabaho sa call center? Mababang uri ba ito ng trabaho?

___________________________________

Hit me up!

Wedding Blog: http://www.kelvinandleng2015.blogspot.com/

My life's blog: http://www.sentimentsofleng.blogspot.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elliane.varias

Charlotte's Story

A couple of weeks ago, I caught up with my friend, Charlotte, who I have not seen in about two months. As we were catching each other up on the events of our lives since we last saw each other, she casually mentioned she was dating. I was surprised with the news because I thought that she was still with her boyfriend Vince, who she had been dating for three years. I asked her why they broke up and she was initially reluctant to tell me, saying there were irreconcilable differences and then she would laugh the issue off, as if her story was unimportant.  But after a few nosy questions from me, Charlotte eventfully told me that she broke up with Vince because he was using drugs and was physically abusing her.

I was stunned. I couldn’t believe it. Charlotte is a strong, confident woman; and the thought of her being manhandled and hurt by another person was pretty hard to process.

When she first found out he was using drugs, she broke things off with him. But of course Vince wouldn’t let her go; he apologized, begged, and pleaded for her to give him another chance. He promised he would never used again and even swore to take drug tests regularly.  Charlotte relented; she loved him. She figured her love was enough to make him stop using and stop hurting her. Maybe he did it because he was just under the influence of drugs; when he’s better or not stoned he wouldn’t do it again. Maybe he had learned his lesson and would change. So Charlotte forgave Vince, took him back, and gave him another chance.

But of course he didn’t change. He started using again, and she found out about it again, and the abuse soon followed. She couldn’t take it anymore.

She went on to tell me what happened; how she found out that Vince was using cocaine, and how Vince twisted her ear, or grabbed her forcefully by the arm, and how he humiliated her in public in one of their fights. My heart broke when she told me how he dragged her by the arm to the car and forcefully shoved her inside. The thing is, some people saw everything and not a single one of them did anything to stop him or to help Charlotte. She was too shocked to react, or do anything. All she could do was cry hysterically inside the confines of the car. Vince was so mad at her sobbing he pushed his forearm across her neck and pushed her onto her seat. Charlotte could do nothing but cry.

She prayed and prayed for herself and for Vince.

And then one day she woke up – literally and figuratively. She realized the abuse could not go on anymore; and that she didn’t feel anything for him anymore. She finally ended things between them – for the last time. It has been some months now but the guy is still trying to woo her to get her to get back with him. Apparently the guy still goes to her home and is still in contact with her family and relatives. They dated for about three years before the breakup and the guy eventually became close to her family and was treated like family. I was confused, why were her relatives still hanging out with that jerk after everything that he has done to her?!

That’s because no one in her family knows what really happened. When asked, she tells them things didn’t work out. And that was it. She didn’t tell them of the abuse because she didn’t want even more trouble. She just got out of one and didn’t want to jump into a new one. She knew the scandal this could cause to her family and his. Right now, she’s just too happy to be free of him and the abuse.

But Charlotte’s family has been conniving with Vince. They were plotting ways on how he and Charlotte can go out and be together. There was even one night when Charlotte was invited by her cousins for a movie date. But Charlotte knew something was up and decided not to go. True enough, her cousins and Vince were planning a mini reunion, in the hopes that they’ll patch thing up and get back together. Charlotte’s cousins also won’t stop asking her as to why she dumped him, or was he just another boy that Charlotte got tired of, as she did with her ex boyfriends. It has eventually come down to Charlotte’s family blaming her for the breakup.

But she just couldn’t tell them. Not yet anyway.

And this upset me to no end. I can’t stop thinking about her and her story. I couldn’t sleep. I tried to convince her to tell her parents. Right now I’m thinking maybe I came in too strong. But this is something I feel strongly about. Charlotte should at least tell her family. In her silence, she is letting the abuse continue; she is allowing Vince to manipulate her family, as he did her. What he did to her was a crime and he should pay for his crime. In keeping her silence, Charlotte lets Vince get away with his offenses. In her silence, Vince’s next girlfriend could be his next victim. In her silence, she is letting the abuse continue, and she will never be able to move on from what happened between her and Vince –  no matter how good she feels about herself now. Her silence puts a lid on what happened, making it seem as if it never happened. But it doesn’t take away the fact that she is a victim of abuse. The bruises may have faded but the emotional trauma those bruises have caused will last for years.

I tried to convince her. She knows she has to tell her family, and soon. But not right now. Right now she’s waiting for the storm to calm down. She’s waiting for the time when she’s ready to tell her family what really happened. But not right now.

I hope she tells her family soon. Very soon. So that she will no longer become his victim. I hope she speaks up soon.

Because I never did. I was abused ten years ago, and I've never said a word to anyone about it.

-Anonymous

#KelandLeng2015

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