A couple of weeks ago, I caught up with my friend, Charlotte, who I have not seen in about two months. As we were catching each other up on the events of our lives since we last saw each other, she casually mentioned she was dating. I was surprised with the news because I thought that she was still with her boyfriend Vince, who she had been dating for three years. I asked her why they broke up and she was initially reluctant to tell me, saying there were irreconcilable differences and then she would laugh the issue off, as if her story was unimportant. But after a few nosy questions from me, Charlotte eventfully told me that she broke up with Vince because he was using drugs and was physically abusing her.
I was stunned. I couldn’t believe it. Charlotte is a strong, confident woman; and the thought of her being manhandled and hurt by another person was pretty hard to process.
When she first found out he was using drugs, she broke things off with him. But of course Vince wouldn’t let her go; he apologized, begged, and pleaded for her to give him another chance. He promised he would never used again and even swore to take drug tests regularly. Charlotte relented; she loved him. She figured her love was enough to make him stop using and stop hurting her. Maybe he did it because he was just under the influence of drugs; when he’s better or not stoned he wouldn’t do it again. Maybe he had learned his lesson and would change. So Charlotte forgave Vince, took him back, and gave him another chance.
But of course he didn’t change. He started using again, and she found out about it again, and the abuse soon followed. She couldn’t take it anymore.
She went on to tell me what happened; how she found out that Vince was using cocaine, and how Vince twisted her ear, or grabbed her forcefully by the arm, and how he humiliated her in public in one of their fights. My heart broke when she told me how he dragged her by the arm to the car and forcefully shoved her inside. The thing is, some people saw everything and not a single one of them did anything to stop him or to help Charlotte. She was too shocked to react, or do anything. All she could do was cry hysterically inside the confines of the car. Vince was so mad at her sobbing he pushed his forearm across her neck and pushed her onto her seat. Charlotte could do nothing but cry.
She prayed and prayed for herself and for Vince.
And then one day she woke up – literally and figuratively. She realized the abuse could not go on anymore; and that she didn’t feel anything for him anymore. She finally ended things between them – for the last time. It has been some months now but the guy is still trying to woo her to get her to get back with him. Apparently the guy still goes to her home and is still in contact with her family and relatives. They dated for about three years before the breakup and the guy eventually became close to her family and was treated like family. I was confused, why were her relatives still hanging out with that jerk after everything that he has done to her?!
That’s because no one in her family knows what really happened. When asked, she tells them things didn’t work out. And that was it. She didn’t tell them of the abuse because she didn’t want even more trouble. She just got out of one and didn’t want to jump into a new one. She knew the scandal this could cause to her family and his. Right now, she’s just too happy to be free of him and the abuse.
But Charlotte’s family has been conniving with Vince. They were plotting ways on how he and Charlotte can go out and be together. There was even one night when Charlotte was invited by her cousins for a movie date. But Charlotte knew something was up and decided not to go. True enough, her cousins and Vince were planning a mini reunion, in the hopes that they’ll patch thing up and get back together. Charlotte’s cousins also won’t stop asking her as to why she dumped him, or was he just another boy that Charlotte got tired of, as she did with her ex boyfriends. It has eventually come down to Charlotte’s family blaming her for the breakup.
But she just couldn’t tell them. Not yet anyway.
And this upset me to no end. I can’t stop thinking about her and her story. I couldn’t sleep. I tried to convince her to tell her parents. Right now I’m thinking maybe I came in too strong. But this is something I feel strongly about. Charlotte should at least tell her family. In her silence, she is letting the abuse continue; she is allowing Vince to manipulate her family, as he did her. What he did to her was a crime and he should pay for his crime. In keeping her silence, Charlotte lets Vince get away with his offenses. In her silence, Vince’s next girlfriend could be his next victim. In her silence, she is letting the abuse continue, and she will never be able to move on from what happened between her and Vince – no matter how good she feels about herself now. Her silence puts a lid on what happened, making it seem as if it never happened. But it doesn’t take away the fact that she is a victim of abuse. The bruises may have faded but the emotional trauma those bruises have caused will last for years.
I tried to convince her. She knows she has to tell her family, and soon. But not right now. Right now she’s waiting for the storm to calm down. She’s waiting for the time when she’s ready to tell her family what really happened. But not right now.
I hope she tells her family soon. Very soon. So that she will no longer become his victim. I hope she speaks up soon.
Because I never did. I was abused ten years ago, and I've never said a word to anyone about it.
-Anonymous
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